What Life Asks of Us

David Brooks, you make a good point about institutional thinking in your article. I am also a huge fan of Ryno and have met him a few times. I would just like to say that in the background of institutional thought you speak of are individual decisions and ethics of purpose behind successful institutions.

Guiding principles of duty have made many individuals and institutions great at different points in history, and we are at a point in time where guiding ethics are greed and individualistic goals that are juxtaposed against the common good. The erosion of institutional ethics/accountability is due to competing selfish worldviews that cause more harm than good. That liberal education you speak of is to allow individuals to see the benefit of ethics and to learn from the past. Unfortunately, this emphasis has been lost with conditional selfishness. The basis of morality and ethics has been skewed to rely on ideology such as the "free" market or on religious belief to find truth in an otherwise overly complicated world.

Thoughts on Taxes

Taxes are going up while people are getting laid off and business is slowing down. When the economy struggles, why does the government need more operating money? Even in the case where it doesn't seem obvious, such as the CTA (where ridership has increased more than 10% in the past year) who needs to increase fares to meet "operating budget".

This leads me to a question...why do service fees increase when the demand increases for public services?

The purpose of public services is to provide a service that the public needs and the private sector cannot offer. It is not supposed to turn a profit, but is supposed to be provided by the government for its operating costs. How, when ridership increases, does this call for higher fees? There is an increase in revenue, so shouldnt that compensate for the increase in funds needed? Uhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patience with the Mind/Body Connection

Many times in life we seem to lose track and caught up in the routines of life and the drama associated with social situations. Listening to a podcast by Zencast, Andrea Fella discussed using the virtue of patience in meditation and in everyday mindfulness. Emotions and the mind seem to be heavily influenced by the lives we live, such as impatience in traffic and in the grocery store. Sometimes the mind seems to formulate its behavior around common mindsets and activities that can be unpleasant or destructive.

To actively change some of these mental formations, we must change the conditions we put into place using mindfulness. Being aware of our mindsets and tendencies can allow us to subtlety of changing our behavior. Fella differentiates this insight from that of knowledge, which is like a book we can take off a shelf to remember a lesson learned. When we are aware of our behaviors, such as being stressed in a slow moving line at the grocery store, we can remove the fuel feeding the impatience fire. Being stuck in a pattern or mindset without an escape can be very difficult to break, but mindfulness is the method in which you remove the mind's impetus to sustain the unconscious or conscious mind.

Many times we wait for the cessation of emotion to just occur, and this can happen. But many times it is the awareness of an unwanted or unconsciously formulated mindset that we have created that actually cessates the negative emotion.

We can also carry suffering in our mind with the relation of experience. In picking up an object we can be reminded of a past experience, reopening the floodgates of emotion. The way the mind relates to experience can be a source of suffering. And again, being mindful of the reemergence or reintroduction of the suffering can be abated by being aware of it. Putting ourselves in an active awareness can allow us to patiently letting go of past suffering.

There are also times in relative peace that we become dissatisfied with peace. The lack of action or the relatively low need of mindfulness as a tool to let go of suffering also can lead to boredom and a feeling of a lack of meaning in life with peace. To move out of this rut, we can think about the direction of our life. To let go of suffering, many times we are taught to live in the present, and that is correct. But to actively live in the present, we have to know the direction we are moving. Life does not just stand still. The movement of the present must also be kept mindful. Again, Fella reminds us that letting the process enfold is key; however, we do need mindfulness to have a direction for an active life.

Patience is a virtue; on that can free us from our stress and allow for clear perception of life. Unfortunately, we are only reminded to use it when we feel negatively about a life situation. Patience in mindfulness can enrich our lives and our spiritual health. During this economic downturn and holiday season, having patience and reacting to life with mindfulness is more important than ever.

Reflections while listening to "Still" by the Commodores

Why is it that sometimes we cannot stop thinking about someone? Even if they hurt you and cannot allow you to heal, sometimes you just want to forget about them but the mind stays fixed. How can the soul carry on? Why does the heart scream so incessantly?

A betrayal bred from logical confusion that nontheless was a betrayal of trust. I can't blame her too much. But to betray his to choose a course based on a reason, and to withhold motive indicates a hidden guilt. I fear the source of that guilt as something that would make me lose any respect left, and in fact make me deplore the person. It is speculation but the only possibility that i can see.

'Accept me as I am' she said. But what if who you have become hurts me? The rollercoaster tug-of-war strains my heart strings to the breaking point. I want to get off the ride because it makes me sick.

Lady,
Morning's just a moment away
And I'm without you once again
You laughed at me
You said you never needed me
I wonder if you need me now

We played the games that people play
We made mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me

Remembering the pain, if I may say,
It’s deep in mind and locked away
But then most of all
- I Do Love You - Still...

Those memories,
times I’m sure we’ll never forget
Those feelings we can’t put aside

For what we had
Sometimes I try to understand
But it’s so heavy on my mind

So many dreams that flew away
So many words we didn't say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go?
Where'd we go?

We lost what we both had found
You know we let each other down
But then most of all
- I Do Love You - Still...

We played the games that people play
We made our mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me 'Cause I needed you so desperately!
We were too blind to see

But then most of all
- I Do Love You - Still...

The Death of Dating

An Op-ed article by Charles M. Blow begs the question: Is dating dead?

The old way of social mingling with the opposite sex (and today a lot more open same-sex mingling) of dating and then taking the relationship to the physical level has become antiquated. Now, the method is hooking up with someone, be it making out or sex, and then deciding whether to date. What does this change in social interaction conventions suggest?

The author cites "group friendships over the one-pair model of dating" as well as vetting mates in a friend group to let the relationship develop through friendship and letting attraction carry it to the next level. The elder generation says that the "increase in hooking up" is due to "the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum". So basically, young people are just morally and socially deficiently wooed by sex, and social conventions are breaking down to make romantic social relations easier. I defer.

In this fast-paced world, the window of time to get to know someone personally is very limited. Many young people in college have full class loads and multiple groups of friends to relate to. Conflicting social schedules and academic commitments are further complicated by work, as well as the wider world in which people live; from family and friends that are scattered across the country to friends that go to different colleges. The increasing specialization of our relationships due to the volume of people an individual comes into contact with does not allow for casual dating in the same way as in times past.

Unless both people are patient, have the desire to see each other regularly, and have that ability to see each other with relative ease (in terms of schedule and distance), it is difficult to casually date until a more serious relationship can be generated. What is left are sexually charged young adults meeting at house parties or clubs that are attracted to each other and know that conventionally dating will require a lot of work and probably will not work out. It is easier to hook up and ask questions later if the situation arises again.

The friendship circle of dating has also developed because if you are a member of a social group, the chances of seeing those people more frequently are higher, and getting to know individuals can be a more gradual process. Unfortunately, it is also more complicated as you move from friend to more than friend, and the transition can be awkward. Hooking up is symbolic of crossing the friendship line, a physical unspoken affirmation of affection that speaks silent volumes.

The tradition of asking someone out also is at odds with feeling vulnerable. We have access to many different kinds of people and as a society have become more judgmental and individualistic in society. A person you date becomes a judgment of your desirability. Also, people take numerous precautions to prevent awkwardness. They are less likely than ever to make a sober decision to make themselves vulnerable to someone else. If someone does bare their soul or express interest upfront, it seems to be almost an aphrodisiac due to its rare occurance.

The sheer volume and accessibility of people can be problematic for someone to choose one individual to date. The rise of online social networking like facebook, the text culture bourne from cell phone use, mass transit and an increasingly wide net of social networks allows for contact with multiple people in different social contexts. The days of meeting at the drive-in on a friday night to meet your crush on a show like Happy Days has evolved into dinner with friends, bar hopping in Wrigleyville, clubbing on Division, and then going to a house party around midnight, where you have the ability to rendevous with any number of people with a cellphone.

It seems to me that the only way to navigate this new world of dating and hooking up is to be honest with people in the brief time you have to get to know them. Integrity is the only way to get out of the hooking up trap, and making an effort to maintain contact in any relationship type (friendship or romance) is the key to letting a relationship grow.

In this new world, it's amazing relationships can exist at all.